The Enlightened.

One day Johnny woke up with a smile. It wasn’t a smile that denoted happiness, in fact its actual origin was unbeknown to even Johnny himself. All he knew was that he was a new man, a man that was what he now considered to be “enlightened.”
To look at Johnny you would never guess there was anything extraordinary about him. He was of medium height and of medium build. His face fell into the five o clock shadow and his hair was hardly neat. He wore tore up jeans and a tight off-white t-shirt with Bob Marley’s face painted across his chest. It was cold on this day, so he wore a light fall jacket over top. He looked nice, comfortable, cozy.
If you were to look into Johnny’s history, he did not live a magnificent life by any means. He graduated from a decent sized high school, where he was neither popular or hated. His family life was that of a normal typical American family, parents who fought more with each other than they made love with each other, and who probably should have been divorced ten years ago. He had a little brother who looked up to him, but who hardly played much a role in his own life. He lived on a decent house in a decent neighborhood. He even had the picture perfect tire hanging from the front yard tree.
To look into Johnny’s love life would denote nothing out of the ordinary. He had two loves in his twenty year old existence. Each of which left him hurting more than he had ever felt happy. Johnny knew this was nothing distinctive to his life. However as cliché and corny as it may seem, he carried with him the pain of every tear he ever shed over his broken heart with every step he took. He was in no way suicidal, or even manic depressed. If anything Johnny was better off for not choosing to push away the heartache, he welcomed it and adapted to it. He knew now it was the seed of his new found tree of knowledge.
Johnny felt great as he strolled down the dark stained wooden stairs. He strutted through the living room and took a seat at the kitchen table where his father smoked a morning cigarette and his mother drank coffee. That great feeling suddenly sunk deep into his stomach. He was not ready for the events that where about to happen.
His mother spoke to him, but he heard bullshit.
His father smoked, and he saw clouds of lies.
His phone vibrated with a text from Jenny
He read ugliness.
He left abruptly, without even acknowledging his parents attempt of so called family socializing. Its not as if he hated his parents, he loved them. He knew he was lucky to have grown up with a full family, he had friends who had much worse. His own enlightenment made him look pass his childish perspective and he saw for the first time his parents for who they truly were. His mother a tired old maid whose large bags under her eyes were stained with unappreciated tears. A father whose face was etched with years of over worked wrinkles and the shallow eyes of a wasted youth.
Johnny wept silently, for his unconditional love of his parents tore his heart apart, his superhero image of them from his childhood was shattered. He saw tired old miserable people trying to live an ideological view of society’s definition of happiness. But this new awakening was nothing to do with his family. Johnny knew now for the first time what all the worldly secrets revolved around. He knew the secret of life, of God, of Satan, of every significant God-damned thing worth knowing. Unfortunately for him, he knew the significant things in the world were limited to things man dreamed up in their drunken ancient stupors.
Johnny met Jenny as previously planned a day prior to Johnny‘s enlightenment. Jenny was pretty, blue eyes, blonde hair. For every decent quality about Johnny, Jenny was, -at least in his eyes- perfectly beautiful, inside and out. She was the girl to bring him out of his shell, to open him up once again. There she sat at a small green table at their favorite coffee shop. Even with his new found knowledge the site of her made his chest tighten, and a lump form in his throat. There, picture perfect just like that dangling tire tree in his front yard, she sat with a smile on her face.

She stood up and hugged him.
She kissed his lips.
He felt her for the first time as what she truly was.
Pain, tears, and heartache.

Johnny knew she had done nothing to deserve such feelings. But Johnny was enlightened. Johnny knew more about the world than anyone else alive and breathing. Johnny knew one giant secret. The fucked up thing about all that Johnny was enlightened with, was that this poor girl, pretty and well-intentioned, was indeed the secret to everything significant worth knowing. He also knew that this girl was the future of all his pain and agony. If God existed and was an Artist, his mastery would no doubt dabble in the cruelness of irony.
“Are you okay?” her soft voice whispered. She was in all honesty worried. He knew this. Things weren’t perfect between the two, nothing in the real world is ever perfect. She had a large part of heart destined to for ever to be in debt with a man who she left years ago. She was honest and pure with Johnny, and they worked their best around it. This is what Johnny now knew of. To be able to look and see people for who they truly are. Not that these things are bad, but he knew above all else, what it was to be human.
He sat down next to her.
“last night I wondered out into the night. I found something out there.” Johnny tongued the top of his mouth as he spoke. A habit he picked up in his youth to calm him down when he was nervous.
“What are you talking about? Is this about last night? I told you, I’m still confused. You’re such a sweet guy, just be patient with me.”
“That’s the thing about going out where the sun doesn’t shine. If you’re sitting there in your room, with the light on, you can see everything around you. You’re content because, well you don’t know what else is out there you’re missing.”
“Johnny, you’re not making any sense at all. I don‘t want anyone else.” there, Johnny knew she would never understand. To her, this was about her. Much like the self centered society in which we live, she is sitting alone at the center, unable to see a perspective that does not stem from her own eyes.
“You’re not listening…people get caught up in all this God and Devil bullshit. Religion, politics, when the whole time everything they ever needed to know sat right there, just outside of their little precious light. In the dark.” Johnny spoke, his eyes budded with tears. It anything Jenny had done or said. It wasn’t even a tear shed for her. He spent enough nights dedicating his tears to her. This tear came from him, the last tear he would ever shed.
“Look, things are just moving too fast, I mean if that’s where this is going I’m telling you, I just need some time to cleanse out my heart . I can’t be with him, I just need time to allow you the same feelings.”
She doesn’t think Johnny understands. Johnny knows all to well what she is saying. He understands. He wishes he didn’t understand more than anything. He wishes he could be ignorant, young, and unwise. He will never be able to feel that again.
“You’ll never know the truth until you are willing to step outside. Sit in the dark, because in the dark, you’re eyes adjust, you can see what’s there, all those little lies, all those daily masks we as people put on exposed. You’re eyes adjust and everything opens up, sitting in the darkness, babe, that’s where you’ll see everything you never thought possible.”
“Johnny, you’re being weird. Like seriously, you’re not making any sense.” There he saw her for what she truly was, her human form. She was as beautiful as ever, but she was soaked in tears, painful sorrowful tears.
“I love you Jenny, whether you are ready to hear it or not. Goodbye.”
Johnny stood up. Threw his cellphone into the trashcan and never looked back. He found a cozy place in the dark and sat watching the world.
Johnny chose knowledge over life, becoming enlightened ruined any chance of Johnny ever truly feeling anything ever again. He grew old in that dark spot, lonely and shallow. He never received loved, he never cared, he never dared to immerse himself in the light. He held Jenny in his heart until the day it stopped beating in his fragile chest. He saw the world for what it truly was, filled with shallow, self centered, ugly people. Yet he died the fool. A life wasted without ever truly living.

A collection of Broken Hearts, Emo Poetry, and Bullshit sad lame free verses.

This is an experimental collection of free verse and half assed attempt at poetry. its obvious during this time i have been going through some rough personal shit, and it bleeds through my words. Feel free to read, be warned, its sad, its emo, its disgusting, its truly experimenting with my own artistic emotions.

A Hero Named Solace:

It's in these times when the night sky becomes my best friend and I look towards the moon for the wisdom to set my mind free from the chains that hold me captive. I seek the knowledge to garner the inner strength to hold onto my own morality. I cling onto the stars with my every breath and pray to the hollow skies for a voice whose existence I doubt more than the folly of this fickle society we call home. It's in these times when I fall onto bended knee and scream to the milky way to pull away its black veil and reveal its naked truth to me. There is beauty in the fallacy of human nature, and I offer you my bare body spread open to the world for the taking. Feed me your shots, I will swallow your abhorrence and bury it deep inside this mangled vessel of my bodily flesh. My mind cannot be bartered, and although I gambled away my heart long ago, my integrity will forever be tattooed on the flesh of my forehead for the world to see.

A plea for help:

this flesh colored corridor is sacred, and I will protect it

with my life, guard it with my bone and brawn, I will not

allow it to be ravished by those unworthy of its splendor.

I will not allow it to perish in the hands of the unworthy,

the self-righteous, self-concerned, the self absorbed.

I will walk away from the pain with a smirk, wipe the blood

from my heart, soak up the sorrow, I will turn the page and

live for tomorrow. I am better than this child in the corner

with salt stained cheeks. he is the enemy, the evil in the world,

he is all I hate about myself. I will rectify these lies painted on

my wrists, I will believe in the only person worth trusting,

I will continue to follow my heart, continue to live by my morals,

my values, my rules. This is my world, and you're just a small

part of a grandiose scheme, a pixel of my superior illustration of life.

Somewhere in this junkyard called existence I will find my happiness.

And I will fight every waking moment of my life to secure it

safely within my weathered and scarred arms.

A Flower Pot Called Love:

this world centers around your arrogance, and the fickle

feathers of your ignorance rests at the bottom

of this cracked flower pot called love,

-or hate,

depending on which side of the blossom you sit.

There's nothing more to the world than the nose

that rests in front of your own eyes. This word 'perspective'

is hollow and empty

and within your arms you carry the plunder

of broken hearts, lost smiles, and salt stained tears.

there is no right outside of your own misplaced needs,

and only the wrong will ever be muttered

from your mouth to others.

so turn your back,

keep your silence, and never give into vulnerability.

Then, and only then,

happiness will be waiting right around the corner,

right alongside your brother loneliness and your sister

solitude.

A Sick Joke Called Realism:

Cryptic messages tattooed on your chest,
A bright smile filled with confusion
That spews Contradictions,
Spoken with every
Breath,

Breathe, release, rinse, wash
Repeat:
Choke
Choke
Choke
On the core. On life. On lies. On half truths.
The game begins
With love
With out love
With lies
Half truths
Clung
by a foolish boy

Who dreams, sleeps, and dreams some more

Of a clueless girl. Of flower petals
falling from trees
Holding you in a sea
Of clouds, of truth, of purity.

In his dreams, its real. In his dreams
Its worth everything. Even in his dreams

He dreams
Of you.

A whole

There’s a whole
Wet and deep.
That reeks of dirt and worms.
Roots uprooted
From the foolish folly of another.
Filled once
With the life of mother earth
Emptied by the selfishness
Of the one who took to its soil.
Left alone now for all to see
Ripped apart, gaped open to never
Be filled again.

Its days like these
That make me wish I never
Felt the fresh air in my lungs
Where everything spins and you
Sink deep into that terrible place
That took you years
To crawl out of.
It shouldn’t be this way.
But it always is this way.

Untitled

Its days like these
That make me wish I never
Opened my eyes to this word
And saw it for its true intentions
And felt the black of the night
Cast its shadow
on my heart.
It shouldn’t be this way
But it always is.

Its days like these
Where we toss away are morals
And live day by day
by our selfish needs.
Where you’re fellow man is worth
Only what you can gain from him.
It shouldn’t be this way
But it always is.

Its days like these
Where God died in the hearts
Of our forgotten children
And there ethics are lost
Strung up on the cross
Where Jesus should lay.
It shouldn’t be this way.
But fuck it,
It always is.